Is there really life after love?

I recently broke up with my girlfriend, Alyssa. Our facebook status changed before we actually managed to break up and we got a mixture of reactions. Some friends told me I was crazy because of the reasons, others said they were supportive if that's the way God was leading us. It was a mutual breakup, well at least as mutual as two people who don't want to break up can be. I honestly believed (and still do believe) that she's the one God has for me. It's actually an amazing story (I think), but maybe I'll save it for later.

We broke up because we both have issues in our lives that we need to deal with. In my mind, the purpose behind dating or courting or whatever title you come up with (I think I'll write on titles sometime) is to get to know someone better before you marry them or to find out before engagement that this person wasn't the one for you. That being said, most of my relationships didn't come into being with this mindset, but that's a story for another time. To have a whole, healthy, and happy marriage it's best to start with as much on your side as possible. For us, we both need to be whole healthy people to make our marriage the same way. To be one flesh, you first need to be one person. Contrary to what we see on tv and movies, we don't become one by being added to our "better half". You have to start with a two wholes to make a whole marriage. Strangely enough, we both want a whole, healthy, AND happy marriage (who'd have thunk it?), but neither of us are whole or healthy people. We have issues cut very deep into our lives, and we can't deal with them together. That's why we broke up.

Cher wrote a song called "Believe". You know the song (everyone does): "Do you believe in live after love? I can feel something inside me say, I really don't think you're strong enough. Oh." Well, I don't know if I'm strong enough. After we finally said goodbye (which was about two and a half ours of straight crying), I drove to Canmore (another hour of straight crying) and finally managed to stop my tears about the time I got there. I went into my room, got ready for bed, and saw Teddy laying on my bed. Anyone who knows Teddy can probably figure out I started crying again. I cried myself to sleep that night. I woke up alone and broken hearted. I got dressed as I cried. I don't think I stopped crying until I got to the ski hill that day. I went up in a gondola with a bunch of people and I remember just sitting there wishing I could hold her and be held by her one last time. I skied for about four hours trying just to focus on skiing, but my skiing got sloppier and sloppier because she was all I could think about. Eventually, I quit trying to put her out of my mind and took the gondola down. I cried the whole way down, stopping only briefly to walk past the liftees on my way to the van. I cried the whole way back to Canmore and just wanted to be with her. I had late lunch at Subway and I had our usual: BLT. I walked past stores we had visited together when she was there with me. I bought the fudge we had when we were there together. Eventually, I left Canmore and drove to Calgary, crying (no surprises there). I thought I was cried out by the time I got back, but seeing Mrs. Chambers to drop some stuff off and say goodbye I discovered I was wrong. My night finished with drinking two liters of egg nog and eating two blocks of caramel, watching the new James Bond movie, and crying lots more.

Two days later, I'm all out of tears. Cried it all out. I had nothing to do today, so obviously I spent the evening watching "Open Season" (a movie we watched together), cuddling with Teddy, eating chocolate (which she loves), and wondering, "Is there really life after love?" I have hope though. Something her mom (and mine now) said to me when I said goodbye that day. She said, "Don't worry, life will come again." I know God is with me and in the end it will all be good. I loved her, and I believe one day we will be together again, but I can't count on that. For now, it's just me and God, and we have stuff to work out.

Lance