Second Chances

When you look back on life you can see a lot of things. Good times spent with friends, memories made with that special someone, and things you were glad to be rid of once (high school sounds like a winner). However, you'll also see tough times, endings to good things, and good times you wish you had appreciated more or at all (once again: high school sounds like a winner). There's guaranteed to be good and bad in your life and with both, some will be because of you and some won't. I bet that you'd find some things you really wanted to change, though.

You've probably heard the expression "I'd sell my soul..." or heard someone say, "I'd give my left arm for..." Whatever it may be that this person wants (new iPod, cell phone, big screen tv, new car, new house, good looking partner), there's no way they're going to actually cut off their arm for it. If you've ever seen the Saw movies, you've seen that people are usually not willing to give up part of themselves for  their life. Whether it be hands, eyes, a foot, or even just some extreme pain, they aren't willing to lose it for the sake of their life. Now if you put someone in a game or deathtrap that was going to for sure kill them and said to get out of it they just needed to give you their iPod or even their car, they would probably hand it to you before you could say, "Hello. I want to play a game."

So, with these things you'd like a do-over for, would you give your arm? Might feel like it, but I bet you'd have a hard time cutting it off for me. I've been thinking about this quite a bit of late. I messed up big. Lost all respect with a few people close enough to be family (even the one I called "Mom" because she was like a mother to me), broke the trust of all these people, and ruined what was the best part of my life all in one shot. Pretty talented, more painful. I've been asked never to be seen and to never go near their home ever again. Maybe you're catching on here, if not I'll lay it out for you: I screwed up BIG!

Now understand, I've done some stupid things that I'd love to change. When I was really little, I did awkward things in a bathroom at my babysitters with a boy. A long time later, I hurt people who were in relationships with me, always resulting in lost friends and respect from a lot of other people. One of the kickers in my life was that when I was 15 years old, I took advantage of an 11 year old girl. I would give a lot of things to change those and get a second chance at them; however, if I could only do over one thing in my life it would be the events that led up to my recent mistake. Well, essentially.

Would I cut off my arm? I don't think I could. Would I kill myself to make it right? Definetely. In fact, I've actually considered it. (I'm not going to kill myself, please don't call 911 and put me on suicide watch). Would I suffer extreme pain? Yes. So why don't I do one of these things for it? Simply, I know it won't make a difference. While some might want me dead, suicide isn't going to change what I've done or make everything better. There is no easy way out of things like this. Unfortunately, it's true and fortunately, I've come to terms with it. Now, that doesn't mean some things don't tempt me as pain-numbing, but rather that I know they won't solve my problem.

I once told Alyssa, "There is always hope." Well, it's true. Recently though, I've been as hopeless as anyone I've known. There's hope in God no matter what you've done. Is there hope that maybe things can work out with these people? Yes, granted it's a slim-to-none chance, but there is hope. So think about this for a little next time you're just looking for something to think on. What would you like to do over in your life? What would you be willing to give up to make it right? Are you willing to give yourself to God? He is the only one who can right the wrongs. When it's all said and done, remember there is always hope in Him.

Oh yeah, and remember that numbing the pain doesn't make it go away and it doesn't fix anything. In fact, it usually makes it worse. Suicide, whisky (or whiskey depending on which you drink or alcohol in general), cutting (or any method of self-injury), and isolation are NOT acceptable methods of dealing with your problems. They are pain-numbers not healers. Whether you like to believe it or not, God is the Great Healer. Only He can make it all better. So take care of yourself and be cautious about your choices.

Change I Actually Like

Believe it or not, I've found change I actually like! My life is so full of garbage that I have to deal with. Some would read this and learn some of the trash that I need to deal with, but they would say, "So? What's wrong with that?" Addictions, past experiences, dirt-poor choices, and lots of stuff I don't even know about yet. However, my life is slowly starting to change, for the better. I still have a lot that has to be dealt with and changed in my life. I can't handle any of it, but I'm trusting that God will bring me through it. So, I've made the decision to make a few changes around the blog, well, one change. I've reset my purity counter and wiped the black marks off. We'll see how this goes. God willing, there won't be any more black marks.

Change Regarding Change

So I've had a change of heart regarding change (pun not included, promise). I don't like that it's often true, you know that old saying, "All good things must eventually come to an end." I hate it when it's true. It's not always that it simply ends because fate (except I don't believe in fate; so God) led it that way. Occasionally, it happens that way. When Adam died, that was it. My time on earth with Adam was over. However, I've recently discovered that it's not all that way. A lot of the things I hate changing are my own fault. It's not that I made them happen, but rather, I didn't do anything to stop it. It ended because of my own laziness.

Having fallen out of contact with a lot of my Street Invader friends, I was so frustrated and upset that I put the blame on change. I never thought to put the blame where it belongs: on me. If I had bothered to take time out to email or call or write (it's not like I was doing anything better; playing video games and watching movies probably), I would still know whats going on with Kurt, Lana, Katie, Nigel, Greg, Simon, Jane, and lots more. I love them all and wish I knew what
was going on, but my laziness messed that up.

Fortunately, all is not lost! There's always a way to fix it and make things right. Getting back in touch requires me picking myself up off of my lazy rear end and talking to people again. I bet you if I started talking to anyone of those people, they'd talk back. I'm not going to make that bet for real because betting on friends isn't very courteous. There's always a way out of a mess and it's never too late to do the right thing. Granted, if I waited another twenty years before talking to some of these people, the'd have forgotten all about me. However, I'm willing to bet with a few thoughts, I could tweak memories to remember me. Remember, there's always a way out!

Change

Everywhere you look, you can see change. Trees that were once full of dark green leaves become various shades of orange and yellow, and eventually become leafless. Green lawns become white with snow and frost in the winter. In the spring, you’ll meet caterpillars, and if you keep them long enough (which I always used too, man I had so many pet caterpillars) they’ll become butterflies. Seeds become flowers, flowers wither and die, creating more seeds. Change in nature can be quite beautiful.

I hate, nigh, loathe change. When I think of change in my life, I don’t see a whole lot of good. I see lots of garbage and change from good to bad, but almost nothing the other way around. I see when I used to be on fire and my whole life was given over; now, I struggle to give over the littlest things and have nearly no fire. I used to have some super tight friends, but now it’s been years since I’ve spoken to/messaged any of them. Okay, okay, that’s years of change.

What started this rant of hatred? Reading “recorded lines that just will not erase”. Maybe not true, I could erase them if I wanted, but I don’t want to. I have nothing against the time or the things I’ve written (or were written to me), rather I want to go back to them. I want to go back to being “Mighty Fine”; I want to go back to “My sweet sweet Love, More gentle than a dove, More beautiful than a pearl, My Baby Girl” (forgive the bad poetry/song-writing). I want to go back to when this was so true it felt like nothing could change it. I thought, “Nothing’s gonna change my world,” but it turns out I was wrong. Change is all around us and it just so happens that no matter what we do or how much we want to, we’re all going to change either for the better or for the worse. I have a serious problem with missing time periods (I don’t blame me, “those were the best days of my life”). I’m sure there’s hope in the future, but I don’t see how it could be the same or as good as it used to be.

I just had to send this out for someone to read. Thanks for taking the time to listen.
P.S. I apologize if you don’t like that I used copyrighted lyrics that fit perfectly to what I was saying.

Canmore Weekend

I spent the weekend in Canmore (well, long weekend because I only have class Monday to Thursday) skiing with my family. The weekend was very interest. Friday was a not bad day, the visibility wasn’t great higher up, but it was still a good day. Saturday was the same with worse visibility; however, by Sunday the visibility was so bad that it wasn’t worth skiing. It took my family about seven or eight hours to make the five-hour drive. Tons of new snow. Found some sweet jumps, a few wicked runs, and lots of fresh powder. Unfortunately I also found lots of rocks, bushes, trees, and ice.

It’s ironic the way you usually find bad things mixed in with good things (although, that’s not really right because it’s not necessarily bad in itself, difficult might be a better word). The scenery was beautiful and I spent most of my time thinking about September days (and my first ski day of the year…the skiing wasn’t really the highlight of that day), but with all of these great memories surrounding me, I was still tempted to fail quite a bit. Temptation is meant to make us stronger, but beating it takes strength I lack and need to surrender for. For anyone who hasn’t looked at the counter on the side of my blog recently, I didn’t surrender very well (or at all) this weekend.

Part of freestyle skiing includes boxes and rails, as well as jumps. If you’re going to freestyle, you’re going to eat snow too; it’s a package deal and you can’t have one without the other. I went to ride a box that should have been no problem for me. Nice run, good execution, but something went wrong with the pop. For some reason, the toe of my ski caught on the edge of the box. One ski caught and one ski on, moving along pretty good (if you can’t picture it try this: me looking like a figure-skater, one leg straight back the other still moving forward, wearing skis) is a recipe for pain. I hit the box face first and finished the slide on my ribs. It didn’t hurt anything more than my pride, but it winded me.

Now some things are a simple example of mind over matter, while others are not so much. For me to get back up and keep skiing was fine. Even freestyle was no problem, boxes and all; however, I wouldn’t even try and hit that particular box all weekend. I know I can do it, but I couldn’t talk my self into it. It’s kind of like when all of my family went home. They left around 2:30 or 3:00 on Sunday and I stayed until this morning. Since about 4:00 yesterday (basically, since they left and I knew they weren’t coming back due to weather), I have been paranoid and checking over my shoulder. What was I looking for? If you’ve ever seen the Saw movies (particularly Saw 2 and 3), you’ll remember the girl who was supposed to take over for “Jigsaw” and his sick games. You’ll also remember that mask she wore when she was going to kidnap people (and the one she jumps out of the bathtub with). That’s what I’ve been checking for (and yes I know she died at the end of the third one, the mask is still stuck in my mind). No joke, I would check around every door and every corner with my hands in fists ready for a fight or my knife out.

I know it’s not real and I know there’s really nothing to worry about, but I was still afraid. It was too quiet and the dark got to me and no matter what excuse I make, it was just freaky. When we let our imaginations run away with us, it’s no wonder we get freaked out, but we should be able to use our heads enough to let God take our fear and replace it with peace. I have a serious problem with that. For real, I sleep in my minivan right now. I used to sleep in the bucket seat behind the driver seat, but now I’ve discovered the trunk is pretty much perfect. In the bucket seat it usually took me about 15 minutes to lie back against the seat or to get my sleeping bag from behind me. I always thought, “There is someone behind me, he’s going to grab me and cover my mouth, then slit my throat.” Not sure why, but I had such a problem giving that up and letting peace fill me enough to just lay down and sleep. If we ask and believe, God will grant us peace, but He’ll let us wallow in our fears if we want. He gave us the choice and put the ball in our court, we just have to let Him do it. Hopefully, you don’t get tied down with this like I do, but if you do, go for peace, I’m working on it with you.

A Preventable Glitch

I found a glitch that has been causing me problems and been leading me to fail. It’s a memory. I don’t fail and lose all the time, but it often comes to mind and throws me into the middle of the struggle. Ironically, it was a memory I could have prevented. It doesn’t matter whether or not I wanted to stop before it got that far or who’s idea it was; what does matter is that I could have prevented it and didn’t, now I’m paying the consequences. These same consequences that now have me struggling and failing also played a big part in the break up that I’m working through right now. The best advice I can give to anyone who still has a chance to go back: STOP! Go back and behave yourself. Be careful and respectful, watch your actions, and protect your loved ones as well as yourself. Take care.

Christmas Shopping Down Memory Lane

I'm writing from a Tim Hortons in Calgary. In many ways, it is no where and everywhere all at the same time. It is among probably (I was going to say 30, but wanted to be close to accurate so I googled it. I was close, there's only 229 in the Calgary area) in Calgary. With so many Tim Hortons shops in the city, this one is really nothing special. It's got the same tiled floor, serves the same donuts, the same drinks, muffins, sandwiches, and bagels. It has the same colors, menu style, and flatscreen televisions that a lot of them have these days. Yet this Tim Hortons IS special. As I look around I see one family with kids (about 13 and nine), two couples (one middle-aged and the other a little older) eating together with their drink of choice (milk for the older couple, they're really cute), and a dad eating supper with his little girl (probably eight) and sharing Timbits. Maybe for all of these people it's just another night out because no one felt like making dinner, but guessing from the smile on the dad's face as his daughter asks him a childishly inquisitive question, I would say not. I bet he never forgets it. I know I'll never forget my memories here. This is one of my top Tim Hortons ever (the only rivals that come close are Moose Jaw and on Tour Choir; maybe you remember Alyssa, if not I have two words for you: Mini Eggs). Alyssa and I used to frequent here, I dropped her off at work here and when I had to leave, took an extra twenty minutes to go through the drive through (and missed her, sort of), and we even had an important talk with "Mom" (her mom, but when you get to know her and live with her, she becomes your mom too) throughout which we got Andrew to leave like three times. I'll never forget this place or the good times in it. So now that I've wasted however long of your life it took to read this, I'll continue on with my blog from this very special place with my pumpkin spice tea.

Today was one of those very lonely days. I did a pretty good job killing time this morning before bartending class, but after class it became quite lonely. I had time to spare and went Christmas shopping at our mall: Chinook Centre (before I keep going, I'd like to point out Christmas shopping in Canada is much more difficult because I can't afford any of the jewellery and I have NO IDEA what to buy for Christmas gifts...I need some help by the way). It was a bigger trip down the lonely side of memory lane than I expected. 

It starts by parking where we always did, in the parkade uptop behind the food court. Walking past the Build-A-Bear store headed the same way we always did (it really didn't matter what our actual destination was, we ALWAYS turned left past it first, not quite sure why, but oh well), I walked past dozens of shops with memories behind them (If you're wondering if I actually found any gifts I'll save you reading my memories: YES I found ONE thing). I got my knife sharpened (I absolutely failed at doing it myself) at the Knifery across from the Starbucks we always stopped at (Mmm, white chocolate mocha). I went through Zellers (not sure why), but I found the Christmas section somehow. That was hard to swallow because we both really like Christmas and one of the things I got super excited for was just to cuddle and share a warm drink during Christmas. Then I found the candy section and that was even harder because it was a mix of candy and Christmas, but I made it through alright...until I saw candy canes. For some reason I remember Alyssa trying to buy candy canes and for some reason I can't remember (probably time) I talked her out of it. Well, today I bought candy canes.

I'm going to interrupt the memories of Alyssa and jump to cadets for a moment. My first year at cadet camp (and the only one in Penhold) I had one guy in my room who used my bed as his washroom to just to get at me. Thoroughly disgusting and horrible. I talked to my staff seargent and he was Returned To Unit and failed the course because of it (on graduation day no less). I figured I had pretty much ruined his cadet career and for that I felt terrible. Today I saw him and we talked briefly. Turns out that he now out ranks me and is going to be promoted again soon. He's also been staff a few times, something I never got to do in my time at cadets. It was good just to see him and see that he was doing well. I think it's behind us and there seemed to be no hard feelings on either side. So that was a side note.

I won't go through all of my memories today because that's a lot and I don't think anyone has the time (or will power) to read through them as they don't actually pertain to anyone's life aside from Alyssa and myself. However, there are tons of memories in that mall: The Body Shop, L'Occitane, La Senza, Aldo, Old Navy, lots of dress shops, the Bay, lots of clothing shops (I found so many cute tops, it wasn't even funny, but know I have no one to buy them for), Bluenotes, and Chapters. They have a whole SECTION on weddings and more on relationships. In addition to that, there were tons of super cute kids and couples (we used to work hard to restrain ourselves from kidnapping cute kids). It was a very hard shopping trip and I didn't buy much, but it was well worth the time to go.

For anyone reading this, I hope you cherish the time you get to spend with your loved ones because the time will eventually come when you can't spend time with them anymore. I have memories and pictures (foufou!) for now, but they can never be as good as the real thing. Never forget the way they smile or get comfortable and accustomed to them, when you do you can't cherish the moments properly (for anyone who cares, one of the best ways to do that is to be very cautious with what physical attention you give them and stay away from any sexual related activities) and when the day comes that you don't get to see them smile anymore, trust me you'd give just about ANYTHING to see it one more time. Love them, cherish them, and hold onto them.

Pointing Something Out

As much as I hate to point this out, I don't think it's fair to assume my counter is noticed. I have a purity counter on the side of my blog. I can't see it right now, but I recall it having a cross on it somewhere. It keeps score, kind of like wins and losses, but it's pure days and failed days (in that order). Unfortunately, I have to admit that I had to put my first failed day up there since I started over.

P.S. I'm not really sure how to end it or what else to say, so that's all folks.

Confession Needing Accountability

I said this blog might get used for confessions (I was sneaky, I knew it would). I also said this blog might get used for accountability (I was snea...well, you get the idea). This idea really scares me because I'm being open and vulnerable. It was difficult with someone I loved and trusted with my life, but to be open and vulnerable with the entire internet population (like billions of people, give or take three farmers from Saskatchewan who may or may not have access on their farm) is way more difficult. So I'm going to be open with the world: I have a problem. My current accountability is not enough judging from my track record, so I'm opening myself up to you. DISCLAIMER: Not appropriate for children!

Here's the deal: my addiction is (wait for it...) pornography. Typical "guy" problem. Or is it? Yes it's fairly well known that 99.9% of the male population has used pornography or masterbated. It's a problem I talked to a pastor about once, yep he struggled too. Almost every guy you meet has had this problem (although, many may not see it as a problem). Hold the phone sports fans! Girls have this problem too. WHAT!?! A lot of guys don't know this, but it's true. Usually not to the same extent and not even close to the same percentage of girls struggle with it, but some do. 

So I'm admitting that I struggle with pornography. Here's how you are going to keep me accountable. First of all, for those who feel like writing me and inquiring into how my struggles are going my email is k1quizzer@hotmail.com and you are going to do just that if you want (totally optional as I cannot and will not try to force anything that actually takes your time). The other is for people not taking the optional route (and I'm forcing this upon  anyone who reads my blog). Simply, I'm going to post on my blog when I stumble and fall. It will help me, and thank you for those who actually take the time to know that I'm struggling. Until next time, guard your eyes.

P.S. Prayer is ALWAYS appreciated.

Tunnel Vision

When something goes wrong in life, I find that a lot of people tend to focus on just that one thing. Maybe it was a break up, maybe it was a close friend moving away, maybe it was a stroke, heart attack, or even a death (not yours obviously, well at least for the death). I usually do the same thing.

When I went to Caronport, I got to visit with a lot of friends and had a really good talk with one friend over "early" supper. She asked me how life was going, and I talked mostly about how I was dealing with the breakup. She tolerated me patiently (kudos Jacee), and then proceeded to ask how the rest of my life was going. We talked about plans for the winter, plans for work, possibilities, and I don't even remember all of what else. What I realised at the end of it was the most important part though.

Tunnel vision is a condition in which your eyes focus on one thing and lose their peripheral vision. It's particularly common when fatigued. Through flying this summer, I learned this can actually be a deadly condition. When talking about flying, the problem is usually the pilot focusing on the sky and ground ahead of him or on just one instrument. With a main hub of six instruments for flight and another six for your engine (in a small plane), focusing on none or only one becomes obviously dangerous.

What I came to realise was that tunnel vision can affect the mind too. Too often we let ourselves get stuck on just one thing, usually something gone wrong. This time for me it was a break up. Jacee helped me to see that my life doesn't stop there and that isn't all there is to my life. I've got LOTS more. I can't just stop dead, but I have to keep moving forward. I can't get tied up because when tunnel vision sets in, I'm setting myself up for a fatal spiral dive. So keep your mind sharp and don't get hung up when it counts. Fight the tunnel vision.

Good times and bad times are both past times

I was talking to a friend yesterday that I haven't talked to in probably three months. We talked about missing good times. I thought about all of the good times I had ever missed. There were only a few main times that I really really missed. Quizzing and youth group around eighth grade with some really special friends when I was super on fire, Street Invaders when I was really on fire and made some tight friends that were like family, when I was dating Michelle and when I was waiting for Clarissa (not because those two girls made my life fantastically wonderful, but because I was tight with friends during that time; don't get me wrong, they were fantastically wonderful girls, but...maybe someone should buy me a shovel for Christmas as I seem to be good at digging holes), my first Christmas musical when I used to have sweet talks with friends, flying when I got tight with some friends, and Tour Choir with friends and good times (surprise surprise).

The common variable with all of these things was never really clear to me until after I finished talking to my friend last night. They all involve my friends and good times or good music or both, but mainly the friends. Friends are where it has always been at for me, and lots of people could tell you that. By the way, the common variable really doesn't have anything to do with anything, but it was a new discovery for me so I shared it.

I also have somethings I'd really rather never happened at all and never happened again. I'll save the details, embarresment, and your time. What I realised was this: whether it was something that made your day/week/year or something that left deep, infected scars in your life; whether you wish for it to happen again or to never happen ever ever ever again; whether it was a good time or a bad time, it is and will always be in the past. Doesn't really make you feel better to realise your life is now 18 years over and you can never get that time back, but once you realise that you begin to understand that you have to cherish the moment and not waste one second.

So here is my challenge to you and to myself: don't just breathe; LIVE! Seize the day. Carpe Diem. Enjoy life and live without regrets.

Lance

Is there really life after love?

I recently broke up with my girlfriend, Alyssa. Our facebook status changed before we actually managed to break up and we got a mixture of reactions. Some friends told me I was crazy because of the reasons, others said they were supportive if that's the way God was leading us. It was a mutual breakup, well at least as mutual as two people who don't want to break up can be. I honestly believed (and still do believe) that she's the one God has for me. It's actually an amazing story (I think), but maybe I'll save it for later.

We broke up because we both have issues in our lives that we need to deal with. In my mind, the purpose behind dating or courting or whatever title you come up with (I think I'll write on titles sometime) is to get to know someone better before you marry them or to find out before engagement that this person wasn't the one for you. That being said, most of my relationships didn't come into being with this mindset, but that's a story for another time. To have a whole, healthy, and happy marriage it's best to start with as much on your side as possible. For us, we both need to be whole healthy people to make our marriage the same way. To be one flesh, you first need to be one person. Contrary to what we see on tv and movies, we don't become one by being added to our "better half". You have to start with a two wholes to make a whole marriage. Strangely enough, we both want a whole, healthy, AND happy marriage (who'd have thunk it?), but neither of us are whole or healthy people. We have issues cut very deep into our lives, and we can't deal with them together. That's why we broke up.

Cher wrote a song called "Believe". You know the song (everyone does): "Do you believe in live after love? I can feel something inside me say, I really don't think you're strong enough. Oh." Well, I don't know if I'm strong enough. After we finally said goodbye (which was about two and a half ours of straight crying), I drove to Canmore (another hour of straight crying) and finally managed to stop my tears about the time I got there. I went into my room, got ready for bed, and saw Teddy laying on my bed. Anyone who knows Teddy can probably figure out I started crying again. I cried myself to sleep that night. I woke up alone and broken hearted. I got dressed as I cried. I don't think I stopped crying until I got to the ski hill that day. I went up in a gondola with a bunch of people and I remember just sitting there wishing I could hold her and be held by her one last time. I skied for about four hours trying just to focus on skiing, but my skiing got sloppier and sloppier because she was all I could think about. Eventually, I quit trying to put her out of my mind and took the gondola down. I cried the whole way down, stopping only briefly to walk past the liftees on my way to the van. I cried the whole way back to Canmore and just wanted to be with her. I had late lunch at Subway and I had our usual: BLT. I walked past stores we had visited together when she was there with me. I bought the fudge we had when we were there together. Eventually, I left Canmore and drove to Calgary, crying (no surprises there). I thought I was cried out by the time I got back, but seeing Mrs. Chambers to drop some stuff off and say goodbye I discovered I was wrong. My night finished with drinking two liters of egg nog and eating two blocks of caramel, watching the new James Bond movie, and crying lots more.

Two days later, I'm all out of tears. Cried it all out. I had nothing to do today, so obviously I spent the evening watching "Open Season" (a movie we watched together), cuddling with Teddy, eating chocolate (which she loves), and wondering, "Is there really life after love?" I have hope though. Something her mom (and mine now) said to me when I said goodbye that day. She said, "Don't worry, life will come again." I know God is with me and in the end it will all be good. I loved her, and I believe one day we will be together again, but I can't count on that. For now, it's just me and God, and we have stuff to work out.

Lance

My First Blog

Dear Readers (whoever you are),

Welcome to my blog. This is my first blog that I created about 2 weeks ago. Since then healing and growing has taken on a new meaning, but first I have more introducing to do. This blog was created to help keep me accountable and make it easy to update people on what's going on in my life. It's an outlet for me as I get to share with people. I might use it as a way to confess something to lots of people or to say something I've been afraid to share (contrary to what some believe, I'm actually not strong or courageous) or I might just use it to share what's new in my life. It's going to be a general use blog and it'll probably be full of surprises for both you and me. With that being said, if anyone has questions, comments, concerns, titles, hate mail, or death threats (good old cadets) you can contact me at my email: k1quizzer@hotmail.com or on facebook. That being said, I think I've introduced all I can. I hope you enjoy.

Lance

P.S. I really don't want to hear your hate mail or death threats, but if you're going to send it to me, I'll deal with it. However, I am open to constructive criticism and would love to hear feed back if you have time and feel like sharing.